How to survive the holidays.

Have an exit strategy for when your child has had enough. You can excuse yourself and find a bedroom to help calm him/her down or just say to the hostess we tried but we have to leave. I make it a point to call the hostess ahead of time and let them know we don’t mean to be rude but we may have to leave without saying goodbye. Normally when this happens I am sending a text of goodbye to friends and family from the car as we pull out. And the message is always well received.

This one is HUGE and not always easy. I believe that if I respect the view of others, then in turn, please show me respect when I explain the difficulties of my daily life. So when someone asks why do I not let the government take care of him or why is he still doing certain behaviors you can say, “we are working on his behavior, being here socializing with friends and family help him learn appropriate behaviors”.

Overtime time we may find ourselves becoming antisocial because it seems easier. Just because it is easier to stay at home doesn’t mean it is always better. We need adult interaction to survive this stressful life. We need to hear those corny jokes that uncle Fred always tells. We need those hugs where aunt Sue always squeezes too tight. Most of all we need to eat like a real person and not eat the scraps off of our kids’ plates. If this means you make your angels plate first and feed them and then let them go watch their favorite show so you can sit at the adults’ table, DO IT! If your Angel has a favorite relative ask them to help.  Call them ahead of time and ask if they will help the day of or ask your respite worker to work a couple of hours at your family gathering.

Plan for the worst but hope for the best. We pack up my car with all of Toby’s comforts for any family event. I bring his fork, sippy cup, change of clothes, diapers, equipment, and toys. Toby has a couple of favorite toys that will keep him occupied for a while. I try to find a spare room that he can’t destroy and “angel proof” it. This is something I normally call the hostess about a week before so they are comfortable with me moving things around. Now, after a couple of years of this, I don’t have to “angel proof” because the hostess already knows what to do. #Goals! We usually take out lamps and any valuables that could break or could harm him. I make sure to bring lots of DVDs and toys for him to play within the “calm down room”. I make sure there is a bed in case I need to lay with him to calm down. I have even been at a holiday party where I am in the guest bathroom giving Toby a bath and having a casual conversation with one of my family members because it was just too much for Toby, he was overly excited and he needed a calming Epsom salt bath.

It’s so easy to say we will put these steps into play next year, but there is no time like the present. I know some of you may not have family close or people that understand. But you have to make the effort to create relationships. At our first holiday gathering, I didn’t know how to make any of these adjustments and I walked out feeling pissed off and hurt. Once I talked to my family about what needs to happen for us to be part of these functions, they were eager to help.

You might be saying, “my family will never do that.”

Well, have you asked? If your answer is yes, then move on and find the people that get you and your situation. Understanding people are out there, they do exist. If all else fails, invite yourself. I have had to do this with my dad on occasions. It’s ok to do this because so many times we say “no” or “we can’t” sometimes people stop asking. So it is just a reminder that you would like to be included.

There is no better comfort than your own home. This stinks sometimes because this means you become the host. Sometimes this is the best option for our family. I don’t cook so it turns into a huge potluck. My angel can go where he wants with zero restrictions. He enjoys being social in his familiar environment. This also helps with social anxiety and overall stress.  You may stress that your house needs to be perfect, but it truly doesn’t. The people that take the time to visit just want to be with you and your family. They aren’t going to judge you if your silverware doesn’t match or if your child is picking paint off the wall (yes, this happened to us). They are going to be your tribe, your true ride or die that want to understand more of how you sail this crazy sea of life.

Much love and best wishes during the holidays.

If you ever need an outlet please contact me or Lizzie for a listening ear.